In these past few weeks...

I've come to a few revelations.
- FIT doesn't want me, FIDM does. I discovered this fact when I participated in December 5th's National Portfolio Day and met with both colleges.
I was easily devastated to find out FIT's representative thought my designs are too much.
They teach and mold their students for jobs in the fashion industry.
That's all well and good but I want to become my own designer. I want a career.
The representative said my designs aren't marketable. That he couldn't see my design on the rack at Saks.
He said I could sell one to Cher and not to 2,000 people.
When he said that I thought to myself..."Ok, and that's bad?"
He wasn't mean or anything, he just didn't see what I wanted to do.

I want to create designs for the pop/rock star.
Designing like that allows me to break rules and be unexpected.
I'm a runway/show designer.
I can think of something generic and wearable in 2 minutes of sitting on my ass.
That's no problem. I just want to challenge myself and bring something new to the Fashion World.

After meeting FIT's rep, I headed to FIDM right next door.
At this point I was scared to death the representative from there would tell me the same thing.
I thought if he wasn't impressed either, I would seriously have to make my life about styling.
So when I came out with my disclaimer and allowed him to open my last-minute portfolio (I made it the day before) I was petrified.
He took one look at the 3 designs I had together on the 1st page and looked up at me with a quickness.
He asked me who I thought he saw in those designs. I was ready to say "Lady GaGa?" but he said something I hadn't expected: "Beyonce."
Now, for me, that's nothing short of stunning. Beyonce is my favorite singer and has been for years. To see that she exudes through me even in my designs was incredible.
He ended up spending a well amount of time speaking to me and told me everything I was hoping to hear that cold ass morning.
See, FIDM was on my radar back in August but I took it off because I didn't want to go to L.A.
So my revelation that day was: If there is a school that is excited to work with me and give me training to build an actual career and name, I have to go there.
My sights are set there now.
And since Parsons wants foundational artwork (paintings, drawings) that I don't have - that's out of my reach too.
I think I'll be happy at FIDM. It's a place that embraces creativity.

- Another revelation is that Lady GaGa is fucking incredible. I found out about her around July 2008 when everyone else had no idea who the fuck she was. So I'm nothing short of a GaGa Monster. Oh and add this to my revelations list - Monster is my new favorite word.

- Ivory and white is becoming kind of an obsession of mine lately.

- I've worn about everything I want to in my closet so I should purge some things.

- I forgot how much I loved Ke$ha.

- I could really give a shit about what people think of me or what I have to say. I say what I want to so fuck you.

I leave and love with this final picture of GaGa-ness.



OH
and I bought The Definitive Book of GaGa Thursday night at 12 AM after my shift at Zumiez (where I sold $1,000+ in 4 hours! Ah!). I asked my grandma to order it for me for Xmas so she just transferred the money to my account earlier that day. Fucking exciiiited to get it. Bet your fucking ass I'm excited. EXCITED!